None of this
ever made any sense.
Not sure I ever cared.
There was always a part of me
that relished the chaos,
but I yearned for order.
Something you were not equipped to teach.
A kingdom teetering on the edge
of total cataclysm
seemed to be my place in nature.
Is this what it is
when they say,
“A life in balance?”
A handful of fire in the right.
A handful of ice in the left.
And both burning me.
Struggling along the straight and narrow.
It has for my entire life
felt like my line winds
somewhere between the light
and the darkness.
I have chosen one,
and quit her.
Stole away at first opportunity.
Ran off to hide
with her sister
to whom I grew
slowly indifferent.
So strange
that the clearest life I see
comes from things
that used to confuse
and terrify me.
Now, there is intent,
where before
only reactions swayed.
You never taught me that.
That one I had to learn on my own.
Kind of hard-headed,
so maybe the lessons you had
were lost on me.
Maybe I’ve had it too easy.
Maybe I’ve had it too hard.
I don’t know,
and I don’t care.
The past doesn’t matter, anymore.
Fire in one hand.
Ice in the other.
Chaos and order.
Indifference and intent.
Not going to doubt
whose side I’m on now.
DJR – 2023
