Trying to read the message
written in the mists of time.
Try to scry
the direction of my life.
Close my eyes
and it feels like
I’m so alive.
Open them
and I am trapped
back here inside.
Shouldn’t it be
the other way?
Shouldn’t I see
light in the day?
Shouldn’t I find
darkness at night?
Why does it seem
like I’m living
life in negative?
Chronically overexposed
to every toxic trait,
and I start to jones
for another quick escape.
Turn the lights down low.
I’m ready for my sedative.
I remember when
I had to feel alive
to live.
Sunlight opens something
that I’m no longer trusting.
The fear in the eye,
the hands reaching out and touching
everything, but it’s all
a dead sensation.
My eyes close again,
feeling the sublimation.
Change of state.
From the world
to anything
other than
what it is.
I wonder if
all worlds decay like this?
I wonder if
that’s why
it seems like a gift
to live
in negative.
DJR – 2023
