Thought I was coming away
with lessons that would guide me.
Instead, I’m left
wearing the patchwork clothes
of a circus clown,
because I
believed you to be real.
But you were just another conman.
A goddamned vampire.
Hunter and prey.
You sensed the vulnerability
in me.
Told me that I could be more,
if I would only subscribe,
faithfully follow you,
and ignore my intuition.
This was the first
in a cascade
of mistakes.
I should have known
you were a pathological parasite,
when the basis of your “cures”
insisted that I remain the sick one.
The weak one.
The pitiful and overlooked.
Denigrated
for my statures and status.
Build me up
to break me down again.
Keep me in your world
by making me believe
I am not ready for my own.
Until the day comes
when I can no longer deny
what’s been right in front of me.
Liar.
Fraud.
Abuser.
I confront you.
Ironically, I am strong enough, now.
This is when
the real lesson begins.
As I watch you plead,
and beg,
and then accuse
and attack me in kind.
I learn so much,
watching you dissemble,
it almost makes
the past few months worthwhile.
You depart
wounded for now,
but a new victim
will come along in time.
DJR – 2023
