This was all I ever wanted.
A calculated necessity.
You learn a lot
about yourself
when life
is just a bundle of mistakes.
Tried to run to California,
life hauled my ass up north,
but I grew to love
these high, sub-arctic plains,
as if they were features on her face.
Craved to run
amongst the skyscrapers,
lose myself in an alley warren,
find kinship
with every kind of broken,
until I understood
why I was so inured.
Under an endless sky,
I found purpose.
My eye no longer trained
to look upwards
when seeking the horizon.
Here, I just look straight ahead.
From my home,
I can see the mountains,
and at first light,
I can hop a plane
and be anywhere.
But, when I’m here,
I’m only here.
Didn’t know
what “together”
felt like.
The city suckled
on my blood.
Out here,
I can feed myself
on dirt, and stars,
and homegrown health.
No more
feigning interest
in the dilapidated,
“come as you are”.
Here I am,
and as I watch
the clouds roll in,
I know I’ve never
been any place
like this before.
This is all I ever wanted,
but it took me
a lifetime
to figure it out.
DJR – 2022
