I struggle to find a way
to escape this place
and tell you what I feel,
what I think,
who I am.
Locked away
in this child’s prison
I have long out grown.
The rags
of a once proud flag
hang in the courtyard,
colors faded,
but there is no question
what it signifies.
Even in its current
state of decrepitude
it still shows
which way the wind is blowing.
Maybe that’s what this is?
Every word of it.
a chance to stitch back together
an identity
for myself,
out of torn scraps,
and know for myself
the right direction.
You gave me every gift
and brought me every joy,
but those days all became
tragedies,
just like you did.
From my cage,
I can see the world
is changing.
Rain soaks the ground
in odd seasons
and that tattered flag
gets whipped by the winds
more often than it used to.
I, in my prison
and you
in the infinite.
I’ve convinced myself
that if I try the door,
it will be open,
and that thought scares me,
perhaps more than finding it locked.
That I may have made this prison
one of choice,
is too terrible
to contemplate.
That old flag
in the courtyard
needs some mending,
and God knows,
I need some mending, too.
I look at the door,
considering it,
like a dragon
that needs slaying,
but I am no knight.
I reach for the door,
breathing slowly,
heart pounding in my chest.
My hand touches the latch
and it give it
a soft turn.
HG – 2020
