I’ve been reaching in,
carefully trying
to capture my thoughts,
my words,
my history.
Subtle like a blade,
trying to
cut the waste away,
but gossamer strands
just tear in my hands,
and the rest,
just slip my mind.
I’m am not an island,
whole unto myself
and abandoned.
I can feel the life
in and around me.
I’m trying to reach out
and touch it.
I was a fool
when I was younger.
I put on masks
to seek my pleasures,
but now they’re dead
and I’m beneath them.
I no longer feel anything.
Staring out,
trying to free myself
from this web,
spun for me.
So beautiful,
intricately,
perfectly set
to trap me
and
terrorize and torment,
torture and enslave me.
Devouring me
from the inside
while I’m still alive,
so it will be
as it has always been.
I’m looking inside.
Seeking out my inner child.
Somewhere,
he will save me
from the monsters,
and the spiders in my head.
Heart is still beating,
blood is still flowing.
Not dead yet,
not giving up.
It’s time for a rescue.
I’m going in.
HG – 2020