Unbecoming

I asked you to come and witness

this transformation.

The only becoming that I

had ever wanted.

You arrived,

all close and cloistered,

kept to your kind

and watched me sideways.

With a smile in your eyes;

not the welcome kind.

 

Laugh behind your hands,

like you thought I was blind.

My only moment,

now a persecution.

I bet you don’t know

what it is you’ve done.

Beg you to come and live in this

abomination.

 

Witless and senseless,

you birthed this

with your derision

and your ridicule.

Reminded

some buried part of me

that if you’re going to inflict it,

then you must like it.

 

So here we go,

down a dangerous road.

I hope you know

I wanted to grow

into some kind of

half-way decent person,

but the monster in front of you

is what you made me into.

 

Come and witness

conflagration.

Blood in the beginning,

fire at the end.

I could have walked it off,

I could have just moved on,

but the way you laughed,

just seemed so fucking wrong.

And the smile on your face,

mocked me in my sleep.

I dreamed of nothing but

the sound of your screams.

 

It wasn’t me

that turned

into a monster;

it was you.

I was only doing

what we do to monsters.

Tell me I’m not wrong.

Tell me I’m not wrong.

 

 

HG – 2019

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