Pain & Confusion

Suppressing the instinct

to run to you,

even though it screams in me

to go to your rescue.

 

How can I watch you

suffer without me?

So much discomfort,

so much enmity,

but you’re not my enemy.

 

Slow;

as if rising through

the oil to

a breach.

Coming up out of a dream,

a singular fantasy.

I never understood the meaning.

 

Lost;

as every neuron fires,

even my strong desire

to save you

is just a trap for me

and eventually,

a danger to you.

 

So I just lie

and lay there,

floating on the surface

of my own indecisions.

 

Conflict is a tie that binds,

surely as a graviton,

dragging me in,

back to my center.

 

It’s

coming clearly, now.

I’ve been wading through

the blood on my hands.

 

I didn’t understand

me or you.

Still not sure

what I’m supposed to do,

but I start to move,

under a waning moon,

in the way I last heard your screams.

 

They were so clear to me,

but now you’re sitting silently,

staring up at the stars,

wrapped in your own, bizarre

sheet of interwoven conflicts.

 

As I approach,

you turn and look at me

and there is something in your eyes,

something I recognize;

the same pain that is in mine.

Pain and confusion.

 

HG – 2018

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