09.23.18 – “Hold The Line”

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Keep holding the line.

If you break,

there is no recovery.

Feel whatever you need to feel;

smashed,

crippled,

torn,

gutted,

sick,

worthless,

toxic,

but hold-the-fucking-line.

.

Never let it go.

Everything depends on you.

If you’re still standing

and you’re still in the fight,

even after the beatings,

the feelings

of being

deleted,

the needle,

the bottle,

the noose

and the bottomless pit

of welcoming despair.

If all of that has not claimed you;

hold the line.

.

It’s not for you anymore.

Your fight is fought.

Your day is done.

You’ve cast your lot

and the dice have been found wanting.

It’s not up to you,

it’s up to them.

All you can do

is to be present,

and selfless,

and carry the burden.

Be strong

and be there.

Not self righteous,

not abandoned,

but as whole

and unbroken

as you can pretend to be,

because you must hold the goddamned line

for them.

.

There is no one else.

Just you

and all your problems,

and failures,

and addictions,

and fuck-ups.

Memories that torment

and futures uncertain.

Distain

and disaster,

a headcase,

depressive;

the introvert,

who can’t even live with himself,

has got to hold the line

for someone else.

.

Maybe this is that mocking fate.

God’s irreverent sense of humor.

Some kind of cosmic joke

to take the least qualified

and put him at the front.

To take the least inclined

and make him a cornerstone,

or maybe,

just give him the chance

to do what’s right,

for once in his life.

.

It doesn’t matter.

It’s not about you anymore.

The consequence is greater

than one maladjusted narcissist

and his life of petty destructions.

As long as the hands can grip,

and the arms can lift,

and the legs bear you up,

and the mind is strong;

you can make the choice

you should have made long ago.

.

Be there,

always.

And in the end

when they look for you,

let them find you

still holding the line.

.

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-DJR