This is the time
that I will finally give
to you and your designs,
to do with what you will,
for I just wasted mine;
a worthy sacrifice.
I hope that you are sated,
but I’m not done unwinding
myself from the lie.
Here’s another tie.
This is my desire,
sharpened to a knife
that I might sacrifice
my lust, my love,
my life.
The end of my designs,
my plot’s now full of holes,
stabbed a dozen times
and left to die alone.
So I might get to find
myself outside my drives,
appetites and libido.
Heaven only knows
if this will please You.
So I keep on going.
Here is my whole life.
My heart, my mind, my soul.
That I have felt unworthy;
that I can’t lift it up
out of the Damned Quagmire.
The hate, the lust, the shadow.
The weak material.
I am doomed to fail.
The life of a mosquito;
driven to consume,
then swiftly do we die.
So take this dusty vessel,
this wounded spirit
and this haunted mind as well
and use them for your purpose.
Something better than
all this banal pleasure,
immaculate delight.
It all comes with a price
and I’m about to pay it;
that and more besides.
Lift my eyes to the sky
and call upon this union;
a bargain with my Father,
a deal with existence.
I just want
to make this a little better.
Sick of taking without giving,
learning to do no harm.
This is a sacrifice.
HG – 2018
