05.19.18

There’s a lot of letting go to learn,

sacrifice

and the dividend.

The pact with the immortal future,

the Covenant with God,

the plan

and the back up plan.

 

I realized that I cannot

both commit

and craft an exit strategy.

I can’t reconcile

staying to fight

and bugging out

at the same time.

All the way in,

or all the way out;

that’s how it has to be,

at least for now.

 

I’ve never been much for executing.

Always been an idea man,

but these days,

the ideas strain the inside of my skull

and I’m the only witch doctor with a drill,

self trepanation the birth machine.

 

No one is coming to save me.

No one is coming to do it for me.

I have to let go of everything that I thought I was

and help myself

be myself,

like I would help another.

Cleave to the mind of “The Other”,

step into the new, strange atmosphere

and breathe deep

of the alien air,

for what I have known to be life

was poison.

 

Awake was just a term of endearment.

I am now become new,

no,

I am my ancient genome.

I am

hands in the dirt

toil,

breaking the body,

shunning the self,

broken

and bleeding

and waiting for a cleansing rain

to prepare me

to touch the transcendent.

 

I’m trying to learn

how to let go,

so I can drift off

into some new dream,

some new adventure.

The work is here.

Do it.

Be alive.

Transcend you.

 

-HG

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