There’s a lot of letting go to learn,
sacrifice
and the dividend.
The pact with the immortal future,
the Covenant with God,
the plan
and the back up plan.
I realized that I cannot
both commit
and craft an exit strategy.
I can’t reconcile
staying to fight
and bugging out
at the same time.
All the way in,
or all the way out;
that’s how it has to be,
at least for now.
I’ve never been much for executing.
Always been an idea man,
but these days,
the ideas strain the inside of my skull
and I’m the only witch doctor with a drill,
self trepanation the birth machine.
No one is coming to save me.
No one is coming to do it for me.
I have to let go of everything that I thought I was
and help myself
be myself,
like I would help another.
Cleave to the mind of “The Other”,
step into the new, strange atmosphere
and breathe deep
of the alien air,
for what I have known to be life
was poison.
Awake was just a term of endearment.
I am now become new,
no,
I am my ancient genome.
I am
hands in the dirt
toil,
breaking the body,
shunning the self,
broken
and bleeding
and waiting for a cleansing rain
to prepare me
to touch the transcendent.
I’m trying to learn
how to let go,
so I can drift off
into some new dream,
some new adventure.
The work is here.
Do it.
Be alive.
Transcend you.
-HG
