Breathing in,


waiting for

the pain to stop.

The line to break.

The drugs to kick in.

Then crashing down,

like a waterfall.

Never a more instant rush,

the intravenous,

in exchange for the oral.

Only to assuage the pain

that’s really there;

a temporary system.


Learning how to self medicate

at a young age

only made us crazy

and begging for the end

by our twenties.

We were such a mess.

Here we are


with the benefit

of a couple decades.


Surviving seemed so hard,

but now we’re

getting closer to the end

than the beginning

and the drugs never

took away the pain,

only masked it.

Like perfume

covers the smell

of rotting flesh.


I guess it’s for the best.

We don’t get high,

we just get on with it.

Living is a full time gig,


No more waterfalls,

we have the rush

of another traffic jam,

another sad parade,

another office birthday;

come and have some cake.




isn’t this great?

This is the life we made.

Is this the sacrifice?

Or is this getting paid

to fade away?


One breath.

Two breaths

and now the drug kicks in.

Relief floods through

and we can feel again.

Maybe just a little joy

in that chemical way.

A pharmaceutical victory.

Better living through chemistry.

This won’t solve the problem

of reality,

but it treats the symptoms,

that’s alright with me.


There may be a cure


but I can only deal with the pain,

one day as it lays.

Breathing in

and falling down

the Dopamine cascade.

Always worth the wait.


been escaping pain.


HG – 2018

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