Breathing in,
exhale.
waiting for
the pain to stop.
The line to break.
The drugs to kick in.
Then crashing down,
like a waterfall.
Never a more instant rush,
the intravenous,
in exchange for the oral.
Only to assuage the pain
that’s really there;
a temporary system.
Learning how to self medicate
at a young age
only made us crazy
and begging for the end
by our twenties.
We were such a mess.
Here we are
now,
with the benefit
of a couple decades.
Surviving seemed so hard,
but now we’re
getting closer to the end
than the beginning
and the drugs never
took away the pain,
only masked it.
Like perfume
covers the smell
of rotting flesh.
I guess it’s for the best.
We don’t get high,
we just get on with it.
Living is a full time gig,
now.
No more waterfalls,
we have the rush
of another traffic jam,
another sad parade,
another office birthday;
come and have some cake.
Nut-free,
Gluten-free,
Sugar-free;
isn’t this great?
This is the life we made.
Is this the sacrifice?
Or is this getting paid
to fade away?
One breath.
Two breaths
and now the drug kicks in.
Relief floods through
and we can feel again.
Maybe just a little joy
in that chemical way.
A pharmaceutical victory.
Better living through chemistry.
This won’t solve the problem
of reality,
but it treats the symptoms,
that’s alright with me.
There may be a cure
tomorrow,
but I can only deal with the pain,
one day as it lays.
Breathing in
and falling down
the Dopamine cascade.
Always worth the wait.
Always
been escaping pain.
HG – 2018
