My Sin Collection

I saw you

and walked away.

Ran as if my life

depended on it.

I wish I hadn’t

now;

in retrospect

I could never bear

the thought of hurting you.

 

I was lost

and far away.

Losing was my only gain.

Thinking back

from where I am

these days,

I can’t help but feel

Regret’s hooks

sinking in.

 

You were my first

in many ways;

not all the garden variety ones,

but the cut-deep,

leave marks on your bones, ones.

Yeah,

it was like that.

 

I was on self-destructive streets;

Ragged man,

burning my last infatuation,

when I heard

that old, familiar footfall

on a crowded sidewalk.

The footsteps

of a painful memory.

 

In many ways,

it was you I was escaping,

but I trapped myself,

I can see that now.

I watched

out my window,

waiting for your wraith to pass,

but it never did

and I wept.

 

Maybe you were never there.

part of me thinks

you were long gone by then

and what I saw behind me

was an apparition,

some savage memory

pushing me into madness.

 

All that I know,

is that the pain of those days lessened,

but there are some old wounds

that don’t take much to re-open.

I never meant to run

from your ghost,

I had no choice,

there were too many demons already

in those days.

 

If I hurt you

and I know I did,

know that I’m sorry

and that our encounter

on that street

sits among my long list of regrets;

my sin collection,

that I will have to take account for.

On the day

that I meet Heaven

on the road,

I will remember this

and I will turn

and say “Hello”.

 

HG – 2017

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