Binary Stars

Try as I might,

I couldn’t pretend passion,

or even feign interest.

The depths of those

old, slow rollers,

curling in from far off places,

never explaining where they were,

where they had been,

or where they were going.

 

Light like a bright star,

dragged me off into some strange odyssey,

away from the comforts that I had known,

away from protecting walls,

caring arms

and warm coffee mornings.

 

Out the edge,

there is no past to regret.

No tomorrow to anticipate.

The sheer immensity of the universe

precludes all notions of time

and distance,

and love.

Each beat of the heart

is as precious

as the birth of a new Sun.

Each breath,

the drawing in of matter

to the mass of the singularity.

 

I did not leave

because you did not love me.

I did not venture here

because you were wrong,

or because you had betrayed me.

I left,

only because the smell of your hair,

the feel of your skin,

the taste of you kiss

were so perfect,

so definitive.

 

I could have died next to you

and been happy,

but I did not,

so I wandered,

blissfully perplexed.

Wondering,

what kind of universe

would allow even one moment

of perfection?

What kind of universe

draws to people together,

perfect,

immaculate,

intractable

and then destroys them?

 

What secrets might be had,

not tangled in limbs

and love

and bed sheets?

What words

might be spurred

by beholding the Grande Infinite?

What answers,

if any

could be coaxed from the edge

of love and sanity,

sex, space and forever?

What could I learn out there

that would return our love in kind?

 

I guess only God knows;

for even in the majesty

of collapsing binary stars

and bursts of celestial gasses

that give birth to galaxies

and the edge of the universe,

the deep-black, never-been…

… I find nothing…

…still nothing…

…without you.

 

HG – 2017

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