I know I crossed that line,
blazed with it,
inhaled it;
like a rough morning,
sunrises slow and greasy
over the wrong side of town.
Never knew a day like any other.
Never imagined anything
could be better than that
sharp hydrochloride bite
and the rush up
swim down,
fuck it all and let it burn,
day to day cacophony;
silenced in my head
by sedation.
And then the day took me
and the night rejected me.
The shadows in which I used to hide
haunted me,
driving me out
into the stunning brilliance
of a world that had decided
to stay beautiful.
I stripped down
to my degradations
and divested myself
of my opinions
and knowing
only that I knew nothing;
I placed myself at the mercy
of the balance.
I could feel my mind
leaving me.
My days eclipsed by terrors,
guilt and reprobation,
visitations by demonic forces
where my angels used to tread.
I suffered,
and yes,
there was an end.
Yes,
there was a moment of revelation.
Yes,
there was an embrace
by the arms of the Most High.
Universal love.
Warm soul energy,
that pumped
something akin
to spiritual dopamine
into my heart
and it filled my body
with the strangest feeling
and I could only feel it,
because the fear was gone.
The hate was gone.
The dark,
it was mine again
and I could rest there.
The light
no longer mocked me,
but I knew that kiss,
those clouds,
that blue expanse
of filtered forever
and I was okay
with just being one beating heart
amongst billions.
I remember that life.
I keep it in a snow globe,
on a shelf
in the back of my mind
and every so often,
I walk by
and give it a shake
and watch the chaos
and think;
life was strange then,
but it is surely stranger, now.
I’m glad I chose to see it.
HG – 2017
