The Reckoning

I couldn’t comprehend the difference,

I didn’t see the day had come,

no longer a shimmering mirage

on the horizon.

Instead, it was now,

it was present;

a day of reckoning.

 

We do not always have a chance

to see ourselves

in a distant,

third-person way.

It’s nothing like catching yourself in the mirror,

this is clearer;

disturbingly so.

 

And when I turned my eyes towards me,

I could see myself

seeing myself.

There was both judgement and pity in my eyes.

That’s when I realized,

that I’ve been lucky enough

to live long enough

to regret everything I’ve ever done.

 

Every sin,

every word spoken quickly.

Every look,

every selfish affair.

Every time I’ve put myself

over another,

my own gaze laid me bare.

The meter that you use to measure others,

will be used to measure you.

I understand it now.

In that look I gave myself,

I know I knew.

 

There is no denying God.

The lies we tell ourselves

are the lonely road to hell,

like angels when they fell,

succumbing not to gravity,

but something else

that carried

enough weight to drag them down.

It was how they saw themselves.

 

When we’re deceived,

the thing in the mirror

can devour us alive,

and consume our hearts and minds.

We do it all the time.

But I’ve been fortunate enough

to see myself,

seeing myself;

not a reflection,

but I a meeting

one on one.

I never realized

that I’ve been lucky enough

to regret everything I’ve ever done.

 

HG – 2016